Nourishing and Flourishing

Cultivating Balance in an Unpredictable Life

Evaluating

I’m in a state of evaluation. As noted in my last post, prior to my current state, I was lost in a sea of bitterness and pool of disdain. The sad thing about this is that had I acknowledged this truth early on, that unfortunate season may not have lasted as long as it did. That being said, we all have seasons in life we’d rather skip, but I’m finding as I get older, it is these very seasons in which we draw life. 2 Corinthians 4:6 says, “For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” Do you how many times I read scripture like this during my dark season and scoffed? A lot, my friends. Anyone who knows me, I mean, really knows me, knows that I’m strong-minded…and until I’m ready to give in, move on, or forge ahead, it ain’t happening. I’ve always been this way. I could list a whole slew of reasons as to why this is, but I’ll spare you. That being said, while my stubborn nature is both a blessing and a curse, I’m finding it more and more these days to be the latter. Thus, I find myself in a state of evaluation. On the heels of what I feel like is a turning point, I am choosing to actively work on some parts of myself I’m not too keen on at the moment. I am recognizing that if I don’t make some changes, say “no” a little more often, and really, just have a better attitude, I’m headed nowhere, and fast. If I want to pursue the desires God has placed upon my heart, I had better start praying and moving. I’ve always been a firm believer in praying, and then doing something about it. You can pray your heart out to Jesus, but if you don’t also trust in Him and act, chances are, you’ll find yourself in the same place, praying the same prayers in five years. Maybe I’m wrong in this theology, but my early twenties were spent on this notion and they were some of the best years of my life. God always rerouted me if I got lost and I never lost sight of Him. I’m sad to say that hasn’t been the truth these past few years, but thrilled to report I feel it stirring inside again. He is lighting my fire. Slowly, but surely. He knows what I need and who I am, and He’s gently reminded me of all that I have forgotten. I am His precious child and He has big plans for me to prosper. He wants me to let His light shine through me. He wants me to share my dark days and not hide (something I’ve mastered). So, here I sit, writing another entry, pondering my thoughts and next actions. I gotta say, I’m pretty excited and fearful, but, for the first time in several years, I can feel again. And it’s good to be alive.

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